"Highway to a Husband" a road of self-discovery - Sun Sentinel
"You look so familiar. I know you from somewhere?"
That's how the conversations usually begin.
"I used to work at Channel 6... Julia Yarbough?" I answer, extending a handshake and slightly pausing as the recognition sinks in. I no longer have the classic "anchor-hair" or that TV-ready appearance, opting instead for casual clothing and very little make-up. My more authentic self is how I like to describe it.
"Oh, that's right! I haven't seen you on the news in a long time. I didn't quite recognize you like this. Where'd you go? What are you doing now?"
I tell them.
"But why?"
That's usually the next the question, which ultimately leads to a flood of further inquiries, fascination, disbelief and a wee bit of what I hope is admiration. Usually, though, the response is that I must have lost my mind, especially when I tell them I walked away from a successful and lucrative television news career at Miami's WTVJ.
Truth is, I was burned out from running on the daily grind of work so many of us mistake for a life. I was way beyond tired of being single with no dating prospects, or signs of a more fulfilling personal life. To bring the dullness of my existence to a grinding halt, I chose to jump into the unknown, letting faith and fate carry me on a cross-country road trip with my best friend, Silva Harapetian, a fellow journalist just quirky enough to go along with my idea. I wanted to put myself on the path to meeting as many different people, enjoying as many different activities in as many different places across the country as possible. And maybe, just maybe, I'd find Mr. Right.
Sounds crazy, right? It was, still is.
The true premise behind the trip, though, wasn't all that insane. At age 45, I felt like I was watching life pass me by. I didn't want to be one of those individuals who wakes up years later wishing she had done this or that, but hadn't. No, I wanted to live! I also realized almost everywhere I went I would meet other single, educated, professional and well-rounded individuals struggling to find that meaningful connection.
The dating industry worldwide is a $1.7 billion industry. Obviously there are lots of folks out here looking. So why are so many of us having a difficult time connecting? Could the problem be "them," or is it really "us?" So, when I hopped in my Nissan Xterra back in February 2010, I stepped outside of my comfort zone and left myself wide open to the possibilities.
It was a wonderful experience. Silva and I donned wetsuits to snorkel with manatees in the Crystal River in northern Florida. We hiked through native prairie grass and fed wild horses on land untouched by development outside of Dallas. We camped along the Rio Grande in Big Bend National Park.
What does all this have to do with finding a husband? Well, it's said if you do the things you enjoy, you're more likely to cross paths with like-minded people, and some "interesting" dates.
I met an avid cyclist in Austin while dancing the night away to 80s disco. Silva and I affectionately named him "Mr. S." He was tall, with an athletic frame. He had a great smile and a comedic, quirky personality. We liked many of the same things. He made me laugh. We did a 10-mile bike ride and a dinner of fish tacos as our first date. Other dates, a flurry of phone calls, e-mails and text messages followed and for a brief moment, I wondered if he would be "Mr. Right." He wasn't. The moment I told him I would be making a return trip to Austin, he vanished. No further communication by phone, email, text nothing.
I went on another outdoor, physical-fitness date with a kind, funny and rather handsome man just outside of Sacramento, Calif. We cycled along a scenic trail around Lake Mendocino. A good time, great chemistry, bad timing he was just coming out of a divorce. He was cool about it; he said he was just too wrapped up in adjusting to his new life to consider a new person. During a whale-watching trip off the coast of Santa Barbara, our boat captain tried to set me up with one of his friends, only to discover that the guy was "gun-shy" and refused to entertain the idea of meeting new women. It made me wonder how often we singles create our own barriers to happiness. In Long Beach, I met an Army recruiter while watching one of our TV news segments out of Los Angeles. We communicated by email, then phone calls and, after two months, he invited me to the Army Ball. I said yes. He was a very nice man, but neither of us was feeling a connection.
All the encounters weren't bad, though. Much of it was informative, even inspirational.
For example, our guide on a fly-fishing trip along the Snake River in the heart of Big Sky country just outside of Missoula, Mt., shared his frustrations with living in a small town that offered a career path he loves but few dating options. It wasn't just me; my singleness had been validated.
Throughout the trip, many married couples and families opened their homes to us and shared tips and advice for developing healthy and fulfilling romantic relationships. While rafting on the Green River in Flaming Gorge near Vernal, Ut., a friend who had been married for many years shared the story of how he knew he was going to marry his wife the moment they met. Such stories give us singles hope that men and women can and do connect.
Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that our trip somehow caught the attention of The Nate Berkus Show, hosted by the TV interior designer made famous by Oprah Winfrey. A friend of a friend happened to be one of the show's producers, and she saw our blog and invited Silva and me to come on his show. The appearance morphed into a series of regular segments. They gave us a new GMC Terrain, and set up our first story, crashing a wedding in the Garden State with Carolyn Manzo, one of the Housewives of New Jersey. She and her husband Al seemed like the perfect of example of getting the connection right. "Life is for living," they told us. "You have to marry your best friend."
Twenty-two states and more than 18,000 miles later, there is still no husband. There was a boyfriend of 11 months, but we just broke up. So while there's no ring on my left finger, my Highway to a Husband adventure turned into a life-altering journey. Being open to change has changed me. I may not know what comes next, but I do know this: I am more authentic. I am more fearless. I am more confident to just be me.
I better understand what truly goes into making a strong, loving and lasting relationship. Do I have what it takes to make that happen? I honestly don't know, after all there's no boyfriend, much less a ring and the commitment that comes with it.
However, I know what makes me tick. I've learned that it's not so much about finding Mr. or Ms. Right. It's about finding yourself.
Julia Yarbough continues her cross-country adventures with Silva Harapetian, and the two will share their experience in a singles seminar scheduled to start in January. For more information on both their travels and the seminars, go to the blog, http://www.HighwaytoaHusband.com
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