It's true, love hurts - Dickinson Press & Advertiser
Sure I know theres an unwritten rule that were not supposed to talk about God, Christianity or religion anywhere in America today, even though Buddhism, Islam and spirituality seem to be restriction free, but Im going to do so anyway to make a point.
You see, as it says in the Bible, the act of God sacrificing his son to wipe away our sins is considered the greatest gift ever and I certainly dont disagree. But there may have been an equally monumental sacrifice earlier on which has caused nothing but turmoil ever since; and thats this really confusing gift we were given called freedom of choice.
The fact is, if God, who is love, had given mankind the ability to share love without the benefit of freedom of choice it might have been a whole lot easier for you, me, Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Madonna (who has taken freedom of choice to completely new limits) and especially for God, who so much wanted us to love him/her and each other.
Now Erich Fromm, the German-American Jewish social psychologist, psychoanalyst, humanistic philosopher and democratic socialist said, Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.
If thats the case were in real trouble because there is little that is sane or satisfactory about this thing called love, or at least the thing we think of as traditional love between a man and a woman, primarily because love is nothing more than meaningless dribble if it is not attached to its ugly cousin, freedom of choice.
Zora Neale Hurston, the American folklorist, anthropologist and author said, Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place. Robert Frost, the great American poet said, Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. And Don Foster and Susan Beavers, writers for the popular TV show Two and a Half Men, said, Love isnt blind, its retarded.
Mother Teresa said, The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. Oliver Wendell Holmes, the American physician, professor, lecturer and author said, Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness. And author Julins Gordon said, Love is not blind it sees more, not less and because it sees more, it is willing to see less. Confused yet?
If youve ever witnessed the decision-making process that your average American female uses while shopping at a mall, you know how finicky and unscientific that formula can be. If that same process is used in selecting, for example, a spouse or lifes mate, someone they may or may not sleep with or whomever they choose to love, its no wonder that the mere act of thinking about dating, having a girlfriend or marriage can make a cowboy, or any male for that matter, shake in his boots.
Conversely, theres probably little need to defend the average males selection process, which is normally akin to deciding whether or not he wants cheese on his burger.
Then theres these online dating sites which supposedly scientifically match you to your perfect mate, put everyone at ease, make finding love easy, serve as the romantic version of a J.C. Penney catalog and somehow hold the key to finding the love of your life, right? Except that if you more closely examine those sites youll discover that in most cases men pay to participate and women dont, which means men are already being asked to make some kind of commitment while women simply sit back and build up a male harem to while away the hours teasing and torturing and who knows, maybe some men do, too.
So where does this leave us? In complete chaos or at least at the point where we must ask the question whether love is actually a good thing or bad, pleasurable or painful, the top or bottom rung of the ladder, a big steak or Big Mac, heaven or hell, and/or a Tahitian vacation turned tidal wave.
Even the most successful marriages, the 40 percent that do survive, call for a commitment of long hours with minimal pay, few rewards and immeasurably mundane moments with so many of its victims locked into matrimonial splendor simply to keep from being alone, as if solitude was some sort of cancer or curse.
At any rate, this across-the-board lack of success in finding true love and meaningful relationships has caused an inordinate number of people to drop out of the game, stay on the sideline, make no choice instead of a choice, develop gambling or drinking habits and render love simply irrelevant, which is too bad considering that it was one of Gods greatest sacrifices, giving us the gift of free will and all, and considering how miraculous and amazing love can be when done right.
The result is that we are witnessing the creation of a whole new generation of people who are simply putting up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
Holten is a freelance writer and cartoonist from Dickinson.
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