Online dater can't keep options open - Calgary Herald

Q: I've been in a six-month long-distance relationship. Three months ago, he left his e-mail open and I saw he was on a dating website and messaging girls. He explained he was using it as a backup.

While visiting him two weeks ago, I discovered he was doing it again! It really upset me and he agreed to cancel his membership. Yet -- because I now have access to his e-mail (he doesn't know) -- I saw he was using the site today.

I can't confess about the e-mails. We've both said we want a long-term relationship. I think six months is reasonable to know if you want to commit.

Is it acceptable for him to keep his options open? I'm not sure I buy that. I'm not exploring other options while we're apart and I don't think he should either.

-- More Upset

A: Six months may be long enough for you, but it seems it's not long enough for him to feel committed. You need to speak up about what you cannot accept, instead of playing detective and fuming.

The "backup" excuse is illogical. If things don't work out, then he can go online. Tell him that you're ready for a commitment and if he's not ready to give up on "other options," he can have them all. But he can't have you, too.

E-mail Ellie at: ellie@thejournal.canwest.com.

Mail to: Ellie, Edmonton Journal , Life Section, Box 2421, Edmonton, AB, T5J 2S6.

Copyright (c) Postmedia News


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